???

It's really amazing to hear what had happened in Sulawesi, Indonesia from CBN News. And funny is that news like that never gained any attention of the headlines or even mentioned in the main stream newspaper. This made me wonder, is it because of media attention merely focus on persecution and mass killing rather than paying attention or effort to reconciliation? Or is it the source of the news that the Christian world sees is seen as valueless in the eyes of the public?

When we were celebrating the fact that Qatar began the first open Christian service during Easter this year, we almost neglected the same time last year, three members in the body of Christ were massacred in Matlaya, Turkey, a place where freedom of religion is given and proclaimed. The news was only recorded in AsiaNews, TurkeyDailyNews, JihadWatch, and more in the PersecutedChurchWeblog. 

It's very difficult in writing this passage, I do not intend to go deep on this but to bring out an observation that I think which had been a pattern of how public voices was shaped.

Whatever it is, good news or bad news, we should always stand guard and pray as much. As I was in Dumai last year, it's a place with Christians-Muslims 50/50.  I had witnessed how people were being brought to Christ by the touch of the Lord in their lives through healing and conviction. I had also seen sacrificing love of the Christians towards people and children had won souls over. Yet the undercurrent should not be taken lightly. 

One verse that we can sing in this situation perhaps is, "The Lord is on my ship!" Yet we also need to realize that God does permit sacrifice. He had not spared his own son, and many who carry the cross would have to lose their lives. But the reward in the Kingdom is handsome. 

I apologize if I confuse you. Click on the highlighted part, to gain more news/insights about the situation.

When does life begin?

George Verwer sent me a very good book earlier, "WHY PRO-LIFE?", written by Randy Alcorn.


Philosopher Mortimer Adler claimed that the unborn is " a part of the mother's body, in the same sense that an individual's arm or leg is a part of the living organism. An individual's decision to have an arm or a leg amputated falls within the sphere of privacy - the freedom to do as one pleases in all matters that do not injure others or the public welfare." 1,2

Evidence shows us that when a life is formed inside the womb, a new set of genetic code take place. A new set of genetic code that forms a total different being from the womb that is carrying the life.

The question is: When does life begin?

We should never deny that having a baby could be so hard for some people. It could be for medical reasons that one could not have children, it could be no medical reason at all. Many religions view children as gift of God. In the bible, people mourned because they did not have children. Sarah was childless until she was 90, Hannah poured out her soul to the Lord because of her barrenness. Well, you could say these are people in old days. But today, while I walk in the O&G Clinics, I see couples wanting babies so badly, they tried and they tried, but there was none.


Conceive is not an accident, and it's not a co-incident. It takes extreme effort of the sperms from the male, and the readiness of the ovum from the female. 3 It is fierce race - race to life.



Honestly, I'm not sure if we can say that an zygote is not a form of life. 4,5

References:
1. Randy Alcorn. Why Pro-Life? Eternal Perspective Ministry, 2004. Chapter 5
2. Mortimer J.A. Haves Without Have-Nots: Essays for the 21st Century on Democracy and Socialism (New York: MAcMillan, 1991),210.
3. Nir A. The fertilization dance: a mechanical view of the egg rotation during the initial spermatozoa-ovum interaction. [Journal Article] Journal of Theoretical Biology. 214(2):171-9, 2002 Jan 21.
4. Everything from Conception to Birth. http://everything2.com/index.pl?node_id=1514886
5. Life Begins at Fertilization with the Embryo's conception. http://www.princeton.edu/~prolife/articles/embryoquotes2.html

"Not the science says" ?

I asked a question to my students last Sunday, " Do you believe that God created the heaven and earth?"

"Yes!" the students answered.

I asked again, "Do you really believe that God created the heaven and earth, and He created you?"

A student laughed, playing wise, said, "Not the science says."

I was graduated and qualified as a microbiologist. "Hmm... I dunno if the science didn't agree with creation theory."

In fact, I remembered it was during the studying of life science, that had caused me marveled at the beauty and wisdom of creation. Discovery of DNA, and the complexity of how the system works in a body, or the universe, streaming to learn about micro-organisms such as bacteria and virus, showed profound evidence of high engineering of human science, which was not invented by human hands. 

The nature itself embedded a system which had shown extreme high intelligence, where faculties were started to investigate or trying to discover more about the intelligence found. These findings give us hope. 

And it was also during those days, I started to fear God, and prohibited my tongue to continue sin in slandering God and stopped making fun of Christians. Somehow, even without knowing Jesus, I began to respect this hidden power, high intelligent being which, supposed, a Creator?

My pastor's sister in-law, a profound Physicist, works with NASA. She had never try to hide her faith in creation theory. She sings her faith to the Creator God and Jesus every day in her office.

I'm not sure if science against God, or the bible. But what I understand about science, is simple as a continuous search and a series of discovery of the mysteries of the universe, the creation of God. 

And of course, many were/are hoping to find trace to reach God, the creator, maybe a fingerprint, or a strand of His hair...... :) 

But I guess, I will try to trace His fingerprints in my life, and to smell His hair when He carries me in His arm.

Lessons learned in Luoyang - in correspond to Public Health& Genetics

In correspond to the previous article on public health genetics, I guess this is an eye opening for most of us!

The child that was peeling the banana skin and laughing and murmuring was literally a 'potato' which take no response to touch or words in July 2007. And he had also a several spasm that led to fatal, and had to be sent back to the homes, where the medical care was more intense.

But the love of the adopted parents and prayers, as well as the principle of Tender, Loving, Care had caused a miracle in his life. Just as the foster parents refused to give up the child, the child miraculously responded and had a breakthrough since then. This was a video clip taken while we went to Luoyang in December 2007.

The improvement of the child and the other children were amazing and kept as testimonies that encouraged the workers and officials at the homes. The stories had inspired the villagers, and caused them to seriously consider to pour out their love and care to these seemingly 'no hope' children.

What we had thought from a medical history background, we would probably had defined this children as hopeless. Children with cerebral palsy, hemiplegia, spinal muscular astrophy etc. , even if they are with their own parents, their homes had often been filled with sadness and clouded by a dark atmosphere. However, in these homes that had taken the children in, we found ourselves in a bright and an atmosphere filled with hope!

The doctor and the nurse in the home had shared with me that they felt so excited after they had been with this project! Their lives had been changed completely. They had never felt so much for the patients before, and now seeing the improvement and daily changes of the children, seeming are their own children. Their lives had never been the same as before!

The lesson that I learned from this trip was: Focus on what we can give at this moment! The right thing to do at the right moment!

May God bless you!

P/s: The organization which had done the fabulous job is called CEO. For further details, and to know how to get involved, please visit http://www.ceo-foundation.org/

Christian's Value

Something that reminds us!

Check Up

God says He is a healing God......

Heal me O Lord

And I will be healed

Save me and I will be save

Heal me O Lord

And I will be healed

For You are the One I praise

You are the One I praise

Reflecting on Public Health Genetics and areas Christians can serve

Having to read the stories of families with genetic disease, their real life battles, I was lost in the waves of painful memories......

Neither me or my family had been diagnosed any genetic disease, yet the similar experiences of having someone dear passed away, either expected or unexpected; experiences of cold shoulder treatment of insensitive healthcare professionals, being ignored and treated as naive child; experience to wait in a hospital for hours after the appointment time; scheduled for appointments several months later while the condition was urgent and worrying; experiences of not having anyone to talk to, being shut off of communications and proper care...... all of these added to remorse feeling and guilt for the bereaved. 

Public Health Genetics had helped me to understand the needs of care to the patients. Reading their stories, positive or negative led me to come to a conclusion, it is about how much do we care, and how we are going to live with it? There is a choice to be made, as the patient survived. Are we going to live with him/her just as any normal person, or are we going to grief and regret all the time for his/her condition?

Prenatal screening is widely available these days, thus give parents a reproductive choice. But having very limited knowledge and prejudice over an issue might lead to a regretful decision. Many people are struggling in searching the meaning of life, many people point towards genetic mutations as a mistake or imperfection. How we Christians respond to these questions? Are we equipped with knowledge in truth and love? Are we able to walk with them through times of difficulties and frustrations? 

In most countries, the states/institutions do not have enough support in terms of care and finance. Churches and non-profit organizations need to take notes on this.

A mother who had a son with Charcot-Marie-Tooth Disease (CMT) commented as she learned about someone's decision to terminate her pregnancy as the fetus were diagnosed CMT, " All I kept thinking was, if given the opportunity at the time, I had thought the same and terminated my pregnancy with my son, I would have missed out on a lovely person being part of my life."

A mother who had a mild-Down Syndrome girl said, " We've found out that there is a lot we can do to help our daughter reach her full potential, as you would with any other child, and there is hope for the future...... My daughter has a much more positive future than those neglected and abused."

Having said, there were a lot of things that they had to face as they came to this statement. What do you think, soldier of Christ? There are a lot of things that we can do in this field! Doctors, nurses, mid-wives, physiotherapists, there are ways that you can get to know these people personally, be with them and walk with them.  Make a difference in the medical field! Let us have more Christian workers in Medicine!

Re: www.geneticseducation.nhs.uk/tellingstories/index.asp

HIV & AIDS

It was a long break for me, being away from "public health"...... However, I read an amazing article by George Verwer about HIV/AIDS. Here is it......

HIV & AIDS

The global crisis of HIV and AIDs in almost beyond description. I’m sure you have read articles with the statistics, and like me, you find them overwhelming.
I have been involved in this battle for about for about five years with a strong emphasis on prayer and I believe we have seen specific answers to prayer. We have seen more nations, churches and key people become proactive and committed to the task.

The Christian and secular media are giving this much more coverage and the biggest influence on me over years is what I have read in news magazine. The November 7th, 2005 issue of TIME is the best issue I have seen that features the global health crisis, especially HIV/AIDs.

Three years ago I became involved with The Judah Trust who are committed to prayer mobilisation. They have a book that will soon be off the press in partnership with OM India Literature. It is a key book that needs to go into many languages and flooded out around the world.

Patrick Dixon spoke at our General Council meetings about four years ago and made a great impact. It is exciting to see different OM Fields getting in to the action, especially South Africa, India and the ships. We have a long way to go, but I believe we have made the major turn in the right direction.

Rosemary Hack is now helping coordinate the HIV/AIDs response within OM and we in Special Projects are staying in touch with her.

Our ministry in Special Projects is mobilising people to pray, given and get involved. We have had unique opportunities to speak to hundreds of thousands of people, especially if we include radio, video and TV exposure. We have sponsored the book Aids & You and The Truth About Aids (a much larger book). We have purchased large quantities of other publications and distributed them widely.

To be honest, we have found it very hard to raise funds for this ministry. There still seems to be a huge amount of confusion or apathy about the whole crisis. I believe that every believer in the church should be able to give something.
How should we respond to this global emergency?

1. Let’s receive the truth and vision into our hearts. Let us, as the Word of God says, “Weep with those that weep.”

2. Let us engage in more specific prayer, especially for those infected and those working among them. Pray for the wide range of preventative action.

3. Pray for the release of greatly needed finance. We can be proactive ourselves in giving and motivating others to give. Challenge the leaders of your church to have an HIV/AIDs Sunday when the need is shared and an offering is taken.

4. Try to visit an HIV/AIDs Hospice or ministry. Try to have some HIV friends, demonstrate the love and reality of Jesus.

5. Pray for workers to go into HIV/AIDs related ministries. Be willing to consider this possibility yourself.

6. Read at least one or two books and collect articles from the press on the subject. Check out related websites.

7. Get involved in distributing information and materials that can awaken people and get involved in prevention.

8. A number of key articles have emphasized the need for the right information and all of us can be more informed and more active in passing on vital information to others. In the end, it will save lives and people will come to know Jesus!

9. Get tested for HIV/AIDs especially if you think there is any chance whatsoever that you were infected.

It is important for us to see how our own life and ministry fit into all of this. We all have different ministries but I believe that if we are faithful to the Lord in whatever we are doing that in the end it helps in this great battle.

I still believe the greatest thing we can do is pray and bring men and women to a knowledge of the Saviour.

By George Verwer, November 2005

Health

“Health is a means to get to the end.”

To one, health can be bread on the table.
To one, health can be being able to pay for monthly bills.
To one, health can be strength to studying overnight.
To one, health can be strength to work.
To one, health can be strength for pleasures and fun.
To one, health can be being able to think rationally.
To one, health can be being able to dream.

There isn’t really definite meaning to it, isn’t it? Health is rather relative than absolute.

An individual's attitude to a specific action and the intention to adopt it are influenced by beleifs, motivation which comes from the person's values, attitudes and drives or instincts, and the influences from social norms.

Wide spread of Hikikomori is a problem, not Hikikomori itself.

Education = Knowledge + Exposures

As my mind linger on education, my mind was brought back to the scene in Koh-Hlau.

There was another tiny island that I visited in that trip. Because the whole island was totally wiped off by Tsunami, it appeared to be clean while compare with Koh-Hlau. A washed away freshness, the village was newly built. The attap houses were fairly new. No rubbish on the sand, or under the house. Not many men left in that village. Most died in Tsunami, some died in the sea. The remaining few went out for fishing in the deep sea, and will not return for a month or two.

The children were inactive, with their bounced out stomach which I afraid that would be mostly the work of parasites, their eyes were curious. When you make a funny face, they will giggle, and turn away.

There was a child, wandering in her naked body. Sometimes she screamed, sometimes she was violent, sometimes she was just a doll. She spit. She looked so tiny, I thought she was only seven.

The villagers told us about her story. They believed that she was demon possessed. Both her parents died. That was one night, she disappeared. When the villagers found her, she was on the mountain, and she was crying. Her mom tried to kill her too, she dug a hole, and buried her alive. Because of the limited of languages, (they speak Moken, and our interpreter was Thai worked with Mokens) we could not get the sequence right.

Hmm... supernatural agencies. There was a lot of hatred in her eyes. She was thirteen. She was insane. What had driven her to this madness? What had happened to her? Demonic or consequences of wrong human doing?

People's explanations for their health and illness are complex. We are able to think about health using the language of scientific medicine because that is part of our cultural heritage. Our common sense could be very different with what other societies and cultures believe.

Treatments would be so different under different perceptions. Ways of thinking about health and disease reflect the basic preoccupations of society, and dominant views of society and the world.

I believe, in this situation, education is a measure that will bring light and hope to these people. Education will work! Plus a clinic to provide basic care for the people. Proper wound treatment will prevent loss of lives in these people.

I felt strange, things that are most common to us, things which we didn't even care, became the most precious things in other societies and cultures. Simple medications like Iodine, was not even available in that place. I was like a stranger, evaluating, learning as I observed.

Knowledge of the existence of "other" society had never caused such impact in me. But the exposure to it did create a strong impact in all of us who participated.

The knowledge did not change our behavior or attitude, but exposure did change us. I think it was same with the Sea-gypsies and the Thai people that we worked with. The knowledge about some strangers coming in to the village would not make a change. But the exposure of being loved and cared did make a change in their lives.

Education, is Knowledge + Exposure.

Debate

I think the main debate for the Public Health Promotion is whether or not Education brings changes to Behavior, in promoting Health.

Harry: I think Education is indeed the foundation of promoting health in relative poor regions! Because it takes effect at the root cause in that region. That is the bottom-up effect!

Roseline: Yeah, I think so.

Harry: Legislation is the fastest way to see a cause-relation effect in promotion of public health, but the basic needs of the people should be met. They should have the fundamental education, free of worries of daily needs in life. Legislation is an up-down approach. Neither one should be set aside.

Roseline: Do you mean that both approaches should be implemented simultaneously?

Harry: That's right! But it seems to me that the government only concentrate in one type of approach.

Roseline: Maybe so, maybe not. It depends on how they look at the problems, and how much budget that they are ready to set aside to promote health, or make a change. But why do you have that impression that the government can only focus on one, do you mean "education without legislation" and "legislation without education"?

Harry: I think it is relative. Relative "focused" or relative "ignored".

Roseline: ???

Harry: It's hard to explain though...... I think no government would say that they will completely focus on one, and ignore another. So, I term it "relative". You know? There are some health education courses in school, primary or secondary, but always there would be such phenomena, where the teachers prefer to fill the time with preparing the students towards exam rather than utilize the time to install public health knowledge to the students, presuming that these are not important, for health is viewed to be 2nd, or 4th or 5th important. I know it is weird in saying so, but it seems to me that is the problem.

Roseline: Hmm... I remember that in secondary school, the Education Ministry did implemented a public health time slot into our weekly schedule. Only 45minutes a week. But we had always use that as a revision slot, or play at the field. Honestly, I had never viewed that as important. I didn't even know what it exist? To me, it was perhaps for leisure. It was a useless class to me. I didn't remember anything that I learned from it.

So, education if it was not properly introduced, and not properly being implemented, it's a waste of effort.

Harry: So, what's the problem here? Why the teachers do that?

Roseline: Well, I think they themselves do not know why the system needs to be implemented! Perhaps they just don't know what does it mean public health! And perhaps when it comes to weighting science subjects, mathematics classes with public health classes, they think public health is a much easy subject, and the students should grab by themselves.

Harry: Easy? Do they think that public health is an easy subject? I think it is just that they have not see the what tragics can be brought by disease! And the major problem is, many people think that they have health when they have not! Many people think that disease will not "catch" them.

So, how can we change this opinion? Should we have another SARS? How? How can we change?

Roseline: So, it is about the naive of people. I remembered the tragic of SARS in the hospital was caused by poor hygiene awareness among the hospital staffs. I am aware that the more knowledge that we have about hygiene, the more ignorance we become.

Harry: Well, many hospitals have the legislation or rules for certain procedures. However not many people follow procedures in terms of hygiene or health care methods. That is because of convenience and laziness.

Roseline: So, knowledge does not really bring changes to behavior, isn't it?


Notes: Harry worked for the Center for Disease Prevention and Control ( CDC).

A Tale:
While I was doing my undergraduate course, my secondary school friends invited me out for supper. We used to sit at the mamak store (Indian stores at the road side, with tables and stools on the road, normally with poor hygiene manner). As I sat down and ordered my meal, I found them looking at me suspiciously. Of course then I was uneasy, what happened to you guys? I asked. One smiled, seemed embarrassed," I thought you will never sit and eat with us in the mamak again. You are studying microbiology, aren't you?"

Confusion of Hikikomori and NEETs

Hikikomori or NEET are often being confused altogether in terms of their nature or interpretation.

Ishikawa Ryoko tried to help us to gain a clearer picture in this confusion. She interviewed people who regard themselves as "hikikomori," and point out the negative effects, especially for such individuals, caused by the confusion of the concepts of "hikikomori" with "NEETs."

"Hikikomori," which refers to youth in a state of social withdrawal, has been noted since the latter half of the 1990s in Japan. In recent years, the concept of "NEETs" has also come to attract attention. "NEETs" refers to young people who are "not in education, employment, or training."

The concept of "hikikomori" has been partly incorporated into discussions about "NEETs," and it is commonly said that the two can be discussed in the same context.

It seems to be some organizations dealing with "hikikomori" have started to support "NEETs."

According to the author, this confusion has a direct effect on individuals who consider themselves to be "hikikomori." Therefore, it is necessary to distinguish the two concepts.

In her interviews, what was revealed was that,

people who consider themselves to be "hikikomori" see themselves as inferior and withdraw from relationships with others because though they have difficulty working, they worry excessively that "working is the natural state for an adult." Their self-esteem cannot be restored immediately even if they participate in a self-help group. Informants re-construct stories about themselves and their lives and come to see the norm of life-courses in relative terms, and regain self-esteem from this. However, this can lead to a decline in their motivation to start working. Moreover, informants cannot overcome their distrust and fear of society. Therefore, sufferers of "hikikomori" seek a new way of life as they again ask themselves various questions, such as, "why must we work?" "What do I want to do?" "Who am I?" and so on. As they think through these questions, they resolve to make a fresh start. This process of struggle is in essence the process of recovery from "hikikomori."

Ryoko felt that the current measures for "NEETs," and "hikikomori" are very different. Confusing two concepts will :
1)deprive people suffering from "hikikomori" of the opportunity for recovery
2)lead them to abandon their own efforts voluntarily.


Re: Confusion of the Concepts of "Hikikomori" and "NEETs : Seen from the Perspective of People Who Regard Themselves as "Hikikomori". Ishikawa Ryoko. Tokyo Metropolis University.

The article is in Japanese. Perhpas is good to screen through? And get some idea on how people perceive themselves as "HIkikomori" and "NEET"?

I guess I have to read it before I can comment......

Blank......

In Anselm Strauss and Juliet Corbin, at the section of Axial Coding, it was stressed that " If one studies structure only, then one learns why but not how certain events occur. If one studies process only, then one understands how persons act/interact but not why.

Therefore, one must study both structure and process to capture the dynamic and evolving nature of events.

I find myself had started to reject what comes across my mind, after some extensive research or working on the materials of how to do a "qualitative study"? My mind went "blank". The phrases became "empty" to me.

Perhaps this is because I was trying to digest the teaching materials in the book that stuffs with ideas that I couldn't really comprehend. I can only do this much. I really don't understand what and how to code the data? I need a supervisor on this! I need a teacher to teach me and guide me on my way! How could I possible complete my own research without proper exercise?

Reassembling the data is almost frustrating to me!I don't know a single thing in this, I don't even know how to do it!

HELP!

What does it mean by "health"?

In the book "Concept of Heath", it was written, "Seedhouse suggests that the perceptions of health can be combined in a unified theory of health as the foundation for human achievement. Health is thus a means to an end rather than a fix state that a person should aspire to. "

Provided certain central conditions are met, people can be enabled to achieve their potential. Working for health is to create these conditions:
- basic needs of food, drink, shelter, warmth
- access to information about the factors influencing  health
- skills and confidence to use that information

People should be able to have health, whatever their circumstances are. However, it doesn't seem to be that easy. "By health I mean the power to live a full, adult, living, breathing life in close contact with what I love... I want to be all that I am capable of becoming." (Mansfield 1977)

Within this context, I don't think many people are healthy in this world.

Perhaps health is a state of mind. Many people have no disabling disease, illness or handicap, but they don't seem to live a happy life. Or the goal in life was to after wealth that had made them unable to "live and breathe life in close contact with what they love." But what if wealth is the only subject that one loves? Possible, but I do see many elderly suicide was a cause of social isolation and chronic illness. Will the definition of wealth change when one catches up with age? Possible.

In the case of Nic Vijucic, I think health is a personal strength and ability. Nic was born handicap, no medical reasons were established for his handicap. He was born in a Christian family, his father was a pastor, I guess. Religion and believes were questionable in his upbringing. He tempted suicide, and I'm not surprised. However, as he realized of his own values and potentials, he discovered God, and he discovered himself, and then he achieved. Then, he scores! What he did and he does, had surpassed many of us which are in the healthy state. He appeared more healthy than we are. Physically, mentally, both.

I was introduced to Nic by my deaf friends. The deaf circle was tremendously excited about him.

Are my death friends healthy? Many of them are Christians, for we know each other in church. Some of them are not Christians. Some of them have poor health, some of them stay good! Some of them single, some of them married. My desire while I was with them was to promote awareness the needs of social support and social capital for hard of hearing. Health promotion does not help the disadvantage group of people, if the surrounding is ignorance about them. Legislation is needed to protect them from being ill-paid and mistreat in their working environment. Support is needed to provide funds for those who are uneducated and lack of family support. Support is needed to create equal opportunity in employment. The effectiveness of health promotion lies in the community! How well do they accept these people, and how willing is the society to come in to help in promoting changes? To be effective, these are fundamental questions!

Putting clips of Nick on this blog

I've put Nick Vijucic up here at this blog, basically to encourage myself.

A man without limbs, living to the fullness of his life, God-fearing man. What kind of strength that God had given him. Yet, he is not a man of God without doubts, without sorrow, without moodswing.

While doing the study on young teens and healthy people who fall sick in the "stress" of society, I wonder how much more he could have in his life. Stigma! I bet he has none less. Not all around him are goody goody people. He went through it just like all of us.

Then, it is the strength that pulled him out from the darkness, the strength that put smile on his face that drawn me, to listen to him. Listening to someone who could just possibly hide in the room, one who possibly jumped down from 7 floors and die rather than choosing to face the world, listening to someone who has so much less in physical, yet so much more in spirit. Yeah, I want to listen to him!

http://www.lifewithoutlimbs.org

"Promotion" of another kind...... ?

When I was doing more search on tokokyohi (refusing school), I found this. It could be funny, it could be fantasy, it could be ways to thrust one's anger.

In the view of public health, we might want to access why the person had put up this? What kind of health state that this person was?

Int he view of sociology, people might wish to access what kind of impact that this icon had caused in the realm of internet and among those who hated school.



We can do many things, but not all are good.

In view of the massacres in schools, and NEETs, though both are really different things. I think there is a need to beware, what kind of ideology that we instill in our children?

Poisonous act started with poisonous thoughts!

Peace Be With You

"Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid." - John 14:27


Through out the history, this phrase had poured out strength to those who were weary. Whether people had wandered away from it, or people were drawn to it. The strength that came together with this phrase, had miraculously pulled men through, in times of persecution and deep sorrow.


This article is written In memory of the three matyrs in Turkey on april 18, 2007

Miss Out

I was a very skeptical person. I hold reserve on many things. Especially for those things that do not flow my way, ideas and thoughts that I can not comprehend. ( I am still today in some ways, I need a lot of proofs before I can agree on things. eg. 1) What are in the mixed cheese: mozzarella? Or just mixed? 2) What kind of honey that you are using when there is a honey drink in the menu: Australia honey? Pure honey? Sugar honey? Or thick sugar that was what it means? etc. )

One God or the term of Creator was a frustrating idea to me. I used to chase out any one who came into my room, cross my path, proclaiming that ideology.

Spiritual needs? Brokenness? I thought I had it all, and I didn't need it. I could still remember when I was 18, Chin Leng and I were sitting together in the class, and we named all religions that we knew in the world, getting excited about the mysterious ideology, yet together we soundly renounce Christianity and Islam. We were the activists in class. That was 1994.

A year after that, Chin Leng turned into a Christian. I felt strange. It must be very tough for her, so she became weak, and she chose Christ, I thought.

I would never be that weak, I thought. Even if I would, to me, accepting Christ is a humiliation of what I held on. I was a proud girl. So much pride in me...... God has mercy.

In 1998, I reconciled with my father. I began to taste the goodness of being with the family after being long expelled, spiritually and physically. Of course, when I look back now, I was the one who chose to withdraw. I am not getting into that, that's another long story. I began to appreciate what my father had done for me. I began to take a step, to put myself into his shoes, and begin to see things through his lenses. Yet, I could not understand why and how he had settled down with Christianity and turned into a church goer in his 60's. I looked at him, a stubborn man, a strong willed man that had been through so many in life, one who tasted cruelty of the world, one whom my grandma had warned me that this man would break my legs if I go to church when I was 12, out of sudden, turned into Christ and baptized. That was 1992.

Honestly I thought he was a "rice Christian" at that time. Maybe he did that to favor those people, or because of the kindness of the brothers and sisters in the church, or maybe... I didn't want to think about it. The image of my father was a hero, was a jerk. I didn't want to think about it, and I didn't care.

I’ve seen miracles in my father. I've seen miracles in my family.

My father had a hand gun, and a short gun. I remember once, I provoked him so much, that in furious he took out his gun, pointed at his temple, and then he took it off again, shot the door, and then he went off in his car. I can not remember now, when exactly was that incident, but I can still remember the exact spot of the door that he opened his fire. It was an evening, after a evening drama program on TV. I can’t remember now the exact sequences of things, was it sometime around 1990-1991, or 1993-1994? All I could remember was that, I had broken his heart, and drew him to madness. He could have killed me.

I was a prodigal son.

My father still loved me and supported me. I knew that. But we kept hurting each other. Between us, there was lack of trust.

I had not see much physical good that the church had done for us except for my father had been kept rushing us to church on Sunday. I fed up with it, and I said I was not going. But my father was faithful. He went to the church every Sunday, he prayed and he read bible. He would drive all the way to Ampang for home fellowship, and that took him at least one and a half hour drive, sometimes 3 hours because of the traffic. And the cost of the gasoline would pay for a family meal. We struggled in living at that time. He was crazy to me, I thought. Selfish. What was it about "God"?

Despite witnessing healing and miracles among my family members, I continued to be stiff neck.

In 1998, I and my father were able to sit down together and worked things out. We became an emotional support for each other. Still, I refused to walk on his path. I was involved with most of his activities, friends. By being a bright university student, and graduate, I made him proud, and gave him joy. I was in his secular circle, shining like a star. We trod on the journey together, I wanted to be with my father, yet I was blinded to his believe. The most essential thing in life of a human being.